Psalm VIII

From 2002...

Psalm VIII
Father God, I feel stretched
As far as the East is from the West.
I no longer savor my sin,
But neither do I cast it from me.
I have travelled a long mile,
Yet I see ten more before me.

Lord, what are You doing with me?
Where am I with You?
I want to turn off all emotion;
Still more do I want to be flooded with feeling.
How can I hate this sensitivity
While I continue to feel so shallow?
Please turn off my mind
Or let me think through something.
I'm tired of playing vulture to myself --
These lazy circles of
Self-pity and self-loathing nauseate me.

Heavenly Father, draw me out of myself.
Let me die to this false humility,
And raise me up in your image.
Establish me in Your house,
Where I cannot be shaken.
You are my hope everlasting.

Invocation

In 2007, I led (or tried to lead) a book study on being a creative Christian. One of the exercises in the book was writing my own "invocation" of the Holy Spirit. Not because I think I can summon up God with some words and a vague longing to be simultaneously spiritual and creative, but because the invocation is meditative for me. It serves to focus me on seeking God; feelings, expectations, and erroneous theology aside.

My Invocation of the Holy Spirit
Spirit of God, hover over my chaos,
My troubled mind and heart.
Bring calm.
Bring order.
Make light in me what once was darkness
And give me strength and skill
To share your truth and send forth your light
To illuminate others.
In Joy.
For Your glory.
Amen.

Psalm V

From early 2002...

Psalm V
Lord, I lift You up and praise Your name;
Your graciousness is heartbreaking,
Your mercy lays me low.
You have caught me,
You hold me captive with Your goodness.

Father, I am sorry for chasing after the wind.
Teach me to lay myself aside;
Show me how to let go of meaningless things.
Give me blessings that will draw me closer to You.

Psalm IV

From early 2002...

Psalm IV
I love You, Lord.
How could I ever doubt Your goodness?
You have counted the hairs on my head;
You know the plans You have for me;
You have died to give me abundant life.

I continue to struggle to rise each day
And function as a normal person --
But You have called me to something even more.
Forgive my feelings of futility, Lord.
I still grow more certain every day of this:
If You have invested so much into me,
You will surely finish what You have started.

I will say it again --
No, I will shout it --
I love You, Lord!
Maybe not as much as I should,
But more than I ever dreamed possible.

Psalm III

From late 2001...

Psalm III
You are amazing, Lord.
I grow sick and weary
When I search my own heart;
I am overwhelmed at the lowliness,
At the blackness of the reflections of my heart.
Yet You press on.

Lord, I am fearful that I will grow hardened.
I do not want to return to apathy;
I want to be done with mediocrity.
You have drawn me closer
And made me sensitive to the touch of sin,
But I have lost my humility.
I struggle and still miss the mark,
Even to go back to where I was with You.

Lord, I need You!
I need You to break me,
To reveal again how much I need You.
I am desperate to know You again;
You did not create me to drown in the shallow end.

I will remember what You have done
And I will praise You!
You are my Abba Father, and I am Your weak child.
Please prove Your strength in my life.

Psalm II

From late 2001...

Psalm II
Lord, I cry out to You --
Of what worth am I?
Why pour out Your Life, Your Spirit,
Into such a wasteful vessel?

I cling to Your promises
And Your past faithfulness,
While I myself stumble so easily.
Your devotion humbles me;
I am broken against the truth of Your fidelity.

Praise You! Your foolishness is wiser,
Your weakness stronger, than that of men.
You are larger than any burden, any sin,
Any grief, any rejection, any failure.
You are larger than I, and I weep for gratitude.

I seek to hide from my enemies,
But how can I hide from myself?
Tear me down, Lord;
I am weary of dark holes, the stench of deceit,
And the gluttony of posturing.

Your persistence is inexhaustible;
Your mercy unfathomable.
I exalt in Your work, for You are working in me.
Thank You, Lord.

Psalm I

From late 2001...

Psalm I
Bless the Lord, O my soul!
Let the meditations of my heart
Be pleasing in Your sight, Lord.
Give me work for my hands,
That I may toil for Your kingdom;
Give me work for my heart,
That I may bear Your burdens.

O wondrous Lord, whose heart is ever faithful to Your children;
You who are steadfast in righteousness;
Yes, unfaltering in lovingkindness;
Draw me closer to Your heart, Lord.
Shelter me as You teach me Your ways,
That I may know and do Your will.
Create in me a heart, Lord,
That beats with truth and integrity like Yours.

Father God, make known to me
The way of faithfulness,
So that You may find me strong.
Give me boldness to proclaim of Your holiness.
Send Your Holy Spirit to minister to me,
To refresh and strengthen me.

Praise the God of all creation,
For He alone is Lord and Master.